By Chris Seeger
I only have one life. We all only have one life. The question I keep asking myself is, “What am I doing with mine.” This post is targeted to those who are searching for something they don’t know how to find. It’s for all those who have lived long enough to know that they haven’t found what they are supposed to do with their lives and are as miserable as me with an ordinary life. Hopefully I can inspire someone to begin a search of their own to find what they have been looking for. I have been unhappy for years and have chosen to do nothing about it since I never saw myself leaving the small town I was born in. Squandering 24 years, I had done nothing at all to aid or improve humanity or myself until creating this blog. My determination to change that is the reason I have begun to search for some sense of meaning. Preparing myself mentally for life out in the real world is the hardest task I have ever burdened myself with. Though I know it is a necessary weight I must carry in order to become whoever I was born to be. I don’t know if there has ever been a plan for my life or if there is a God who laid a path for me. All I know is that I must believe that I belong to something significant; something with substance. Without some design or singular purpose to believe in we all may as well give up.
Fathers day being this past Sunday, I feel the need to acknowledge that without my old man, I am nothing. My father’s unwavering conviction has often been the inspiration I’ve needed to carry on with my life. Convincing myself it would get better every day even though my future appeared to me as forever grim and monotone. He has always told me that he truly knows I have a purpose without a single hint of doubt. I suppose the man has a right to believe after being a witness to me surviving countless obstacles throughout my life. Obstacles that were supposed to kill me and in all accounts, almost did. Without his belief that I will make a difference in this world I would not have even had the strength of will to begin what is sure to be a wondrous quest. The unhappiness in my life has slowly, continually been creeping in around me like a cancer threatening to break my will. Until my search commenced I was merely a drone going through the motions as I burned away constant days of my life. The fear of whittling away my existence at the hands of an omnipotent quick-handed clock had become all too real. Change was and is incumbent with my total lack of a purpose at this point in my story. Whatever I am meant to do with my life is just over the horizon and I fully intend to meet it when it rises. My broken soul and wasteful days will soon meet their end with any luck. Progression is all that is left. If we stop moving, if we stand still, time will swallow us up and leave us wondering what if.
I would like to formally announce that I have made a decision that could change my life, for better or worse. In a few months, (after I’ve saved a bit) I will begin traveling abroad. After working a day job for as long as I can remember and hating every minute of it I decided something needed to change. The only way my life can progress is if I leave my home town that I have grown to both love and hate. It’s a big world out there and it’s calling my name. This planet has so much to offer that most people will never experience in life spans that get shorter every day. My personal opinion is that experience is life and life is made of memories only gained by experiences. I may seem like a wide eyed school boy lacking logic but the longing to be free and to explore isn’t so naive. Like I said, for better or worse I need to go on this adventure in order to, (if nothing else) be able to say that I tried it. I will continue to post to my blog as often as possible while on the road, though this won’t be happening for a few months. I’d like to share my adventures, mistakes and successes with all who wish to read them. Please comment and give me your thoughts, advice or just to say hi!
PS. This quote is from one of my favorite childhood authors.
“Don’t sit wishing the days away. Life is too short.”- Clive Barker